Tag Archives: christmas

Making the Christmas Spirit Last All the Year

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One of the best tunes in the Christmas classic ‘A Muppet Christmas Carol’ goes “It is the season of the spirit, the message if we hear it is make it last all year.”  Sitting at home a few days after Christmas, I was pondering the words, trying to figure out what they meant. While I was doing this, my parents were removing the Christmas tree from our home (we like to get that thing outta my house pretty quickly after Christmas… you gotta learn to move on). The tree looked pretty decent for being over a month old (in terms of time out of the earth from which it came). It was a bit dry, but the recipients of most giveaways aren’t that picky.

So I decided to make better use of the time the tree was going to spend by the road while it awaited an ugly end in the back of the BFI garbage truck. I know a lot of people that celebrate holidays a day or two after they occur (especially Easter and Halloween), because they can get gifts, food and candy so much cheaper (everything typically moves to a 50% or 75% off sale). I figure if people do this for Easter and Halloween, they probably do it for Christmas, too. Which means they also do it with Christmas trees.

Why not give away a tree to a family who’s celebrating a late Christmas instead of flagging it for immediate destruction by the garbage men? This is just the tip of the “generosity iceberg” that I consider myself a resident of. Pick up the tree anytime:

There’s the tree. Here’s your information, close-up:

Luke vs. Sheetz – Christmas Edition (Round 1)

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First of all, Merry Christmas world! I hope you all had the chance to spend the day with the ones you love celebrating the best day of the year! And I hope you didn’t receive any of the items I’ve profiled over the past few weeks. Mom almost gave me a scare with a Life Savers storybook in my stocking, but bless her heart it was the hard candy version. Thanks for reading, mom!

Every year, the Kingma’s make more trips to Sheetz on Christmas Day than the average man will make in his lifetime, but for good reason. Well, usually for good reason. See, historically, Sheetz has always given away free coffee, hot chocolate, and cappuccinos on Christmas Day, and they’ve always made my Christmas so much better.

However, this year was different. I won’t say much, because I’m going to share the letter I just wrote to them  (via their website) about the experience. If you haven’t read this blog much, you may not know that I have a tumultuous history with Sheetz (read about my previous experience, starting with round 1, then round 2, and finally round 3). I thought my chapter with Sheetz had long been closed, but it’s time to re-open, on Christmas of all days. Here it is:

“Hello, Sheetz. My name’s Luke Kingma. It’s been a long time since we last spoke! Actually, only about 7 months, but it’s been a good 7 months (I just got a real job in New York!). I’m writing you today as a citizen of the world who, despite problems with Sheetz’s cleanliness in the past (there was a “fly” epidemic at my local Sheetz about 7 months ago that still makes regular appearances in my nightmares), still loves Sheetz to death.

One of the staples of the Kingma family Christmas day is the Christmas morning, afternoon, and evening trip to Sheetz for their (your) free hot chocolate/cocoa/cappuccino bonanza. You’re one of the few companies that doesn’t shutter its doors on Christmas, and probably the only one (that I know of) that gives free things to their customers. Big points for you… usually.


This Christmas, for the first time in years (ever actually), the experience was not warm, happy, and hearty, like it usually is. This Christmas, we were betrayed. Let me explain. We arrived at the Sheetz on Rt 61 in Leesport, PA at about 7:00 PM. The address is 5515 Pottsville Pike
Leesport, PA 19533. You’ll need that I’m sure.

Elated by the thought of warm, delicious free drinks well within our grasp, we went to work. I chose your “Red Hot Santa” drink (I’m a risk-taker), and my brother Josh decided to go with your standard, regular Hot Chocolate. After a quick drive back home, we were ready to drink these bad boys and watch an NFL game that didn’t mean anything but was still enjoyable enough to watch. It’s actually on now. Go Cardinals.

And then, it happened. We started drinking. Immediately, we were both overcome with a flavor that was anything but what the cheap little stickers on your machines told us. I promptly removed my lid (and Josh’s) to make sure everything looked okay “under the hood.” Long story short, it didn’t. These drinks had been watered down to the point of cruelty…. they were more watered down than the “Jamal Cleaning Solution” a creepy man tried to sell us at our door a few months back (moments before he was arrested for soliciting strangers without a permit).

I’d like you to see pictures of the drinks, so you can see for yourself. I’m sure you know what hot chocolate is supposed to look like, and even if you don’t, you’ll be able to tell something is very wrong.

Picture 1 – Hot Chocolate

Now, I understand it’s probably very hard to judge from the picture just how watered down and disgusting this drink is, but any decent, honest person will admit that something definitely looks wrong. Hot cocoa isn’t supposed to look like a cup full of rancid Spaghetti O’s sauce. It isn’t supposed to taste like it either, but, today, well, I guess it does.

Picture 2 – Red Hot Santa

If the problems in this Sheetz styrofoam cup aren’t apparent, somebody else needs to be doing your job. I would have, without question, believed the Sheetz employee that sold me this if he told me that he had gone to a soaking wet horse race track and taken a sampling of a muddy puddle, heated it up, and gave it to me to drink as a joke. And the taste would have confirmed it.

Now I realize you were giving away these drinks for free, so I don’t have very strong grounds to complain on. However, you don’t seem to understand that, for many, this is their first chance to sample what Sheetz has to offer in terms of hot beverages. Do you think those people are gonna be excited enough about these drinks to ever come back? As Kevin McCallister would say on Home Alone, “I don’t think so.”

I sincerely hope that, for America’s sake, this is an isolated incident. If you’re going to give away drinks on Christmas, make them like you always do. People don’t deserve to get sick from these… especially on Christmas. I really hope you’ll have this fixed in time for your New Year’s coffee and hot chocolate giveaway, because getting sick again is not the note I want to start 2011 on. I’m hoping to have a good year. Thanks!

Best,

Luke Kingma”

It’s a rough note to receive on Christmas, but the 10 minutes I spent in the bathroom after drinking the bit of the Red Hot Santa that I did wasn’t exactly pretty or fair, either. Round 2 will hopefully come soon. Until then, enjoy the rest of your Christmas, and beware of Sheetz! Free gifts are often worth exactly what you pay for them.

Amazon.com “Pick” of the Day: Mr. Potato Head Dolls that Look Nothing Like the Characters They’re Supposed to Look Like

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Mr. Potato Head owes his life to Toy Story. Without his coveted lifetime spot in the Franchise, it’d be difficult for you to find these things anywhere but the bottom of a dirty toy barrel at your local Salvation Army (the one you used to go to for cheap, ironic t-shirts when you were young and didn’t know any better). He had that spot though, and Mr. Potato Head (along with his lovely wife) has taking advantage of every second of the spotlight since.

At first, it was innocent, like every fledgling toy franchise is. It started out with just the male version of the doll, but quickly diversified to add a female, probably due to sheer demand… not very different from the story of Pac-Man and his girl… even Adam and his woman, Eve, much longer ago. A man eventually needs a wife, after all. And it was good.

Smart companies know when their franchise has reached its peak, and know when to stop. Mr. Potato Head had a chance to do this, especially after the popularity of Toy Story. It didn’t really need to change its recipe ever again. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head could meet and fall in love over and over again in children’s rooms all over the world for eternity, and everyone would be happy. Unfortunately, Hasbro got greedy, and decided to turn popular franchises into Potato Heads, creating the grotesque, unidentifiable “creatures” you’re about to see.

1. The Star Wars Potato Head Doll

If I didn’t tell you this was a character from the long-running, beloved ‘Star Wars’ franchise, I’d challenge even the greatest of Star Wars fans to be able to identify this disaster… and I’d throw a lot of money on the table for the person who could do it. Even if I did tell you that this was a Star Wars character, many would still have difficulty. I see a big smile, pretty dark skin (even for a potato), a decent-sized blaster, a long, manly cape, and some kind of strange, poorly designed, unidentifiable utility belt. Huh. Uh… Lando Calrissian I guess?

Nope… we’re looking at Princess Leia. Now, I never thought Carrie Fisher was particularly attractive, but this is an insult. When the only thing you can get right is the shape the actor’s hair (not even the color), you need to take a step back and really think about the following question: If we realistically cannot make this look anything like the real person, should we still go on and make hundreds of thousands of them? My guess is… probably not. Star Wars fanatics have standards, too… just like normal people.

2. The Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Potato Head Doll

When you’re planting one of your new Potato Head Dolls on the foundations of a franchise that decided to fast-track a sequel and sacrifice literally everything to get it out early (literally everything… acting, storyline, special effects, continuity), you never really had much of a shot in the first place. Still, stranger things have happened, and it could have maybe been successful. But not this time. Riding the coattails of a doomed movie franchise, the intelligent folks at Mr. Potato Head decided to turn ‘Bumble Bee’ into a Potato Head Doll, to horrifying effect:

Think back to a Halloween you may have had as a child… a Halloween you were extremely ill-prepared for. It was Halloween day, you hadn’t made a costume yet, and all of the stores were sold out of costumes in your size. There were only two hours to go until prime trick or treating time, and you were desperate. So you went into the basement, scoured through old, moldy boxes of broken glass, torn clothing and old Tupperware containers, and you put together a Halloween costume with what you found.

Chances are, it turned out looking like “Bumble Spud” up there. And it was the worst Halloween of all time. Most of the houses probably didn’t even give you candy, because they were too embarrassed of your weak attempt at a franchise costume to even open the door. Mr. Potato Head recreates that awful Halloween for us with “Bumble Spud,” the most disappointing thing any child will receive this Christmas. It’s biggest virtue, perhaps, is that it looks nothing like the Transformers in Revenge of the Fallen. You’d garner even less respect if anyone knew you bought a toy celebrating one of the worst franchise sequels in cinematic history.

3. The Toy Story Potato Head Doll

I know what you’re thinking… “whoa, wait, you’re gonna make fun of Toy Story Mr. Potato Head Doll?!” Don’t worry, friends. I respect the Toy Story Mr. Potato Head more than I respect a lot of human people in this world. What the folks at Hasbro have done in this final segment stands among the greediest things anyone at any company has ever done. Even the good, honest people from Enron would shuffle uncomfortably on their jail cell benches at the sheer amount of greed Hasbro displayed with their newest Potato Head:

Woody. Apparently, having two of the most popular, classic, and nostalgic versions of the Potato Head franchise in your movie isn’t enough. Hasbro wanted to see how much money they could squeeze from Toy Story fans by changing its most popular character into a Potato Head… It really doesn’t get more cocky than this.

I’m not saying that this doesn’t look like Woody. Any self-respecting Toy Story fan would recognize him instantly. That’s not the problem. The problem is that Hasbro is willing to disrespect Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head this much to make a little extra money. Hasbro’s basically coming out and telling Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, “I’m sorry, classic, traditional potato heads that were so funny and awesome in the movie: you’re not enough for us. There are bigger fish in the Toy Story ocean… and we can make more money from them than from you… even if we use your bodies to do it.”

Hasbro, shame on you. Parents: don’t buy your kids these embarrassing, and sometimes even greedy, versions of the potato head dolls. Chances are, your kids won’t even know what they are anyway. Stick to tradition. It’s timeless for a reason.

Amazon.com “Pick” of the Day: The (Gummy) Life Savers Christmas ‘Storybook’

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With the the advance of human civilization all over the world come great increases in population. As a people, we have to learn to not only deal with the often limited amount of space we’re afforded to sort our lives out in, but flourish in it. For some of us, the first opportunity to learn this skill comes in the form of a small dormitory in college, or maybe a shoebox ‘first apartment’ in Manhattan paid for by our new modest, post-college ‘first job’ (if we’re lucky enough to get one, of course).

For most of us, however, the first opportunity we get is at a very young age. You see, for a child, the most valuable pieces of real estate are not found in the ritzy neighborhood you mortgaged your life away to live in… no… they can instead be found in the unnecessarily small neighborhood that is their Christmas stocking.

Its design allows for the storage of very few presents (on purpose, no doubt). If you’re a child with, at the very least, an average level of intelligence, you understand the implications of this tiny amount of space, and try your best to capitalize on it… maximizing the awesome, minimizing the not so awesome. It’s a lot like monopoly. You’ve gotta use your real estate wisely, putting just the right amount of houses in just the right places. Except this is real life and your Christmas can be ruined if you do it wrong.

Some time ago, when we were innocent and didn’t understand too many things, the Life Savers storybook was one of the items most deserving of a piece of the stocking’s available real estate. They came with the real, hard-candy life savers we all used to know and love so well (the exception being butterscotch, which managed to almost single-handedly ruin the entire roll). And they came in the form of a book with a typically awesome Christmas story based on the Life Savers universe.

It’s not 1993 anymore, though. For some reason, Life Savers in its hard candy form haven’t fared too well in the most recent years, and the books they can be found in are all but extinct. Taking their place? Gummy Life Savers “storybooks.” This is a huge problem. Here’s one:

I know what you’re thinking. Looks the same as the ones we had as children, right? Well, you’ve just judged a book by its cover. Actually, you’ve ignored the most important detail on the cover: the word “gummies.” If you’ve ever had a gummy Life Saver, you know what I’m talking about… a horrible, almost flavorless little ring of poor ingenuity.

There is not another candy in the world that gives such wonderful fruits such a bad name. They all taste the same, and they all take about 6 1/2 minutes to chew. The bitter aftertaste lingers, often for weeks. And this book comes with 2 rolls of them… ensuring the rest of your Christmas vacation will not be enjoyable in any sense of the word. But that’s not the whole story. The rest of the story, ironically enough, is that there is no story.

Apparently, the creative team at Life Savers is unable to create a decent narrative storyline with a Christmas theme anymore. Instead, they’ve replaced this usually wonderful section of the book with Christmas “games” – you know the type… the same type you find on the backs of cereal boxes in lieu of the awesome toys you used to find inside the box, before the world got so cheap… the “help Santa get through the maze to his reindeer” or “help Santa unscramble the names of the kids on the “nice list” before Christmas” games. Terrible, horrible, unexciting games that kids don’t ever want to play. And the book’s full of them.

This wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to get if it didn’t take up 45% of your stocking. But these things are huge. And when the rest of the stocking is full of Sweet Tarts’ uninspired, poorly flavored take on the candy cane, you’re in for a rough Christmas morning.

Parents: before you buy what looks like the classic Christmas stocking stuffer you used to know and love as a kid, read the fine print. Chances are, it’s a shell of what is used to be. It’s easy to not notice, but trust me… your kids will. And they won’t ever forget it.

What You Can Do with the New Facebook Profile Layout if You Have Way Too Much Time to Kill

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The most wonderful (and at the same time maddening) thing about this “job search” phase I’m stuck in is the extraordinary amount of free time I have (because, after all, there are only so many jobs I can apply to in a day). There are so many things I wish I could bring myself to do during this time to be more productive in all areas of my life, but I’m just not there yet. Instead, I do things that won’t help me at all in the long run but are still kind of fun.

I read a pretty sweet article the other day (http://mashable.com/2010/12/14/new-facebook-profile-hacks/) about the creative things people are doing with the new Facebook layout. I decided to kill an entire evening and try my luck at making my own! I went with a Christmas theme because I am a staunch Christmas traditionalist. And it’s the most wonderful of the year, of course.

Here it is:

If you were wondering, that’s not even our biggest Christmas tree. The Kingmas have more Christmas trees in their house alone than the total amount of Christmas trees your average-sized suburban neighborhood has put together. Please let me know what you think of it! Questions on why I’m so skinny will not be addressed.