Tag Archives: Centralia

Photo Essay – Back to Centralia with a “Red Pen”

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NOTE: If you haven’t read my original post on Centralia, please do so before you read this. You can find it right here.

The night after I got back from Centralia, I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were an hour and a half away, racing down the road full of embarrassing spelling and grammatical errors that I’d seen earlier that day. I asked you people to go fix them, but I knew you wouldn’t.

So a few days later, armed with a cheap bottle of red spray paint, a spelling and grammar teacher who shall remain unnamed headed back to Centralia to not only fix the errors, but grade them based on a combination of their individual levels of stupidity and the age at which I learned how to spell these words correctly. I’m here to show you the results, sequenced in descending order (from best grade to worse). Enjoy!

This first one wasn’t posted in the original batch of pictures from my first trip to Centralia, because I had simply missed it before. Normally, stupid people simply forget to add an apostrophe on a possessive noun that earns one. It takes a special kind of person to add an apostrophe to a plural noun that doesn’t need it (unless there is a zombie hunter out there who owns Devin, Tony, and Ashley. If this is true, I apologize to the zombie hunter). Anyways, the error could not stay unfixed.

Final Grade: 7/10, C-

Since it’s not a mistake too many people make (adding an apostrophe where there shouldn’t be), you will receive a passing grade, sir or ma’am who originally scribed this. You may yet get into that community college you’ve been getting so much mail from.

For the next ones, the teacher wasn’t so kind.

You all remember this one. Idiot spelled “beginning” wrong in a vain attempt at a philosophically interesting statement. Couldn’t let it remain this way.

Final Grade: 6/10, F

I understand it’s a “big word” and that there’s a whole lot going on, but for God’s sake (literally), it’s the third word in the Bible. I learned to spell this when I was 4. There’s only a glimmer of hope for you, writer of this statement. But there is that glimmer.

“But Luke, isn’t a 60 a D?” Maybe in the run-down school district you live in. In the real world, you’ve failed.

Ah, yes. The person that spelled the name of the town they were in wrong. There’s little else to be said.

Final Grade: 5/10, F

You’re lucky the teacher was that generous to you, writer. Seriously. This isn’t the only Centralia in the country. There are a bunch more, and they all have more than 9 residents, so the teacher is just trying to open your eyes before you make this mistake in a bigger Centralia. The people may not be as kind.

And the last one…

When I first saw this, I was very excited. What a cool statement! Shame the dumbest spelling error ever had to ruin it.

Final Grade: 4/10, F

I know what you’re thinking – “Whoa – a little harsh, isn’t it, Luke?” Do you realize the sheer amount of important words that end in “ally?” Realistically, this kid wouldn’t survive a day in the post-high school world. He’s practically out of hope. No, he is out of hope. See me after class, writer. A little bit of verbal abuse is in order.

“Is that all the teacher did, Luke? Just make corrections? Didn’t he leave your mark on the road, too?”

Great question. The road is for those who cannot spell, cannot draw, and do not appropriately use apostrophes. The rocks high above on the hills surrounding the road, however, are for the elite. There aren’t that many, and most have been claimed, but at the very end of the trip, I looked at a treacherous climb with a nice rock at the top and decided it had to be mine.

Luke’s Rock

Seriously, it’s mine. What’s the A.P next to me stand for? If it’ll get me that writing job, it stands for Absolutepunk. Otherwise, it stands for anything but. If you’re going to perpetrate, please spell correctly!

Photo Essay – Centralia: Welcome to Hell

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Welcoming Graffiti in Centralia, PA

When I first got home from living in Germany, I’m embarrassed to say that I spent days and days sitting in my house, sulking and complaining about what a cultural wasteland this country was, and how there was no reason to go anywhere until my next trip abroad. Eventually, the act wasn’t cute anymore, my family was getting tired of me sitting around all the time, and I was getting restless. So I started researching interesting things I might be able to find in Pennsylvania. To my surprise, this state is packed with unusual, awesome things that you won’t find anywhere else. Enter Centralia. It was 3:30 in the morning, and I was wide awake as usual. There was no debating or deciding to be done. I jumped in the car and headed out.

The Sign Pointing the Way to Centralia is Easy to Miss

The story is simple – A once booming coal town in central Pennsylvania, Centralia has since become a real-life manifestation of what the apocalypse is probably (and hopefully) going to look like, whenever the earth chooses to suffer it. The story goes that a coal miner (or coal miners, can’t just blame one dude) accidentally started a fire one night near the mines. I’d make up an awesome story about how it happened, but I’d just be lying and no one would trust me anymore. Anyway, under normal circumstances, a fire this small wouldn’t be a problem. A fire in a town made entirely of a substance people burn to keep themselves warm, however, and what you have is a 48-year underground coal fire with no intentions of stopping anytime in the foreseeable future, and a place that is well worth exploring.

Centralia, an Ever-Smoking Wasteland

Centralia is nearly abandoned, and if you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s very easy to miss. The land is hot to the touch, even in the winter, and heavy amounts of smoke bellow constantly out of the ground.

It’s not a place you’d think the residents would want to stick around in. But the few residents that do still live there are still putting up a fight to keep their land, even 48 years later. Admirable, but when you’re waking up breathing toxic smoke every morning, slowly dying of inevitable asphyxiation, you’ve gotta question the sanity (and intentions) of these people.

A Note from the Residents who aren’t Keen to Leave

It wasn’t just the land directly above the mine that was affected, however. A huge stretch of route 61 had to be rerouted around the town, but the decaying remains of the old route 61 still remain. The road is in terrible shape, cracked and warped by the rising smoke traveling to the surface from beneath the earth. That said, 48 years later, it’s still in much better condition than any of the roads in Pittsburgh. Mayor Luke Ravenstahl should probably stop drinking with the residents and start working for them. But that’s another story for another day.

Old, Decaying Route 61.

Yep, Still Better than Pittsburgh

CU of old Route 61

The stretch loops almost two miles and completely surrounds the Centralia mines. This is a good time to mention that I arrived there at 6 in the morning, and the only other person within 15 miles of Centralia was walking on the road about 1000 feet behind me, sporting an out of season Hawaiian shirt and a worrying grimace on his face. I’m thankful I brought one of my parent’s steak knives, just in case.

Overgrowth on Old Route 61

Anyway, the point of this little tale is that Centralia is one of a very few reasons why Southeast Pennsylvania is worth checking out (the others obviously being the Utz Potato Chip Factory and the Shoe House in Hellam, PA). Bring a steak knife just in case, don’t look the people driving past you in the eye (they always think you’re having car trouble. It’s nice that they care, but then they want to get into a conversation with you, etc. there’s no time for that), and spend a lot of time exploring. The cool stuff is hard to find.

Too Little Too Late, Centralia

OH. One more item to consider – please bring some red spray paint (I wish I would have). The amount of spelling and grammatical errors in the graffiti on old route 61 is astounding (and a testament to the high quality education offered in Eastern Pennsylvania). Examples follow.

You Really Can’t Even Spell the Name of the Town You’re In? Ugh.

When You’re Trying to be Philosophical and Deep, Misspellings Don’t Help

When You Can’t Even Spell ‘Eventually,’ You Were Never Going to Win Anyways

Alright, I think that’s about it! If you need directions or suggestions, let me know! Hope you enjoyed! Oh, one more important thing.

Paul, I don’t know who you are or where you are, but somebody wanted you to know. That sucks, man.

Update: Read about a trip back to Centralia to edit, judge and grade these mistakes: http://www.yeahhedid.com/?p=197