So I checked the spam box in my yahoo mail today (where all the legitimate e-mail I get goes) and found this e-mail, subject titled “I am so sad” from a miss Halley Bullard (remember the name). I didn’t like what I was hearing, thought I could help, so I opened it. The e-mail reads:

Dear friend,

Perhaps you do not know who i am but i will introduce myself.

People call me … I think … let’s my name will be kept in secret.
Let it be Princess.

I am a small Princess. I am from Russia. I am so sad. I am beautiful
and nice lady but so upset at the same time.

I am looking for an appropriate boy with whom we will have a long life.

I have no idea what to do. I want to improve everything in my life.

I think you are perfect guy and can be my prince.

Please, write me back when you receive this e-mail coz it can make me
feel better. I will not be alone. And maybe we can be perfect friends.

Answer Shorty9356@rambler.ru to this e-mail.

Sincerily yours
Princess.

End E-mail.

Response? Whoa. I was emotionally blown away. How did she find me? I didn’t care. Too good to be true? Clearly she tried to keep her name a secret, titling herself “princess,” a nickname that pops right out of the screen. Too bad she was stupid and forgot that she put her name in the electronic signature box in her rambler.ru e-mail account. Halley Bullard. It didn’t sound Russian, but, giving her the benefit of the doubt, I checked, and was devastated by what I found:

“The name Bullard finds its origins with the ancient Anglo-Saxons of England. It was given to one who worked as a bullherder or a keeper of cattle.” from www.houseofnames.com.

You’ve been found out, Halley Bullard. And I thought I had finally found my “perfect friend.” Still, I felt a response was appropriate. Here’s my e-mail back to her:

Unless she’s going to be bringing in a hefty share of livestock into the marriage (as her name indicates), I’ll just keep checking my spam box. She’s out there somewhere.