Nobody bought it. You all are stupid. Another post to come soon!
When I write under the category of “Fruitless Job Hunting,” I don’t simply mean just job hunting. I am also looking for ways to never actually have to work a day in my life, so I can just go on awesome trips and stuff instead. That said, I think it’s time to get into eBay. And I think I have just the item to get me a solid start on a long road towards unlimited amounts of money via eBay. Serious inquiries only, please.
The item (click on the image to enlarge for easier reading!):
I know, I know. You’re skeptical. Before you tear me apart, read my description. Next time, maybe you’ll think twice before you harshly judge someone. Here it is (click on the image to enlarge for easier reading!):
Honestly, though. Serious inquiries only. I don’t want to give to this to a stupid person who is going to abuse it. Happy Bidding! Here’s the actual link to the eBay page.
Keep your eyes to the ground, my friends. Maybe you’ll get rich like I probably will. For eager, new eBayers – wanna know the secret to successful eBaying? Strategically placed bolded words. Don’t overuse.
New post comin later tonight! Come back and ENJOY IT! Later.
NOTE: If you haven’t read my original post on Centralia, please do so before you read this. You can find it right here.
The night after I got back from Centralia, I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were an hour and a half away, racing down the road full of embarrassing spelling and grammatical errors that I’d seen earlier that day. I asked you people to go fix them, but I knew you wouldn’t.
So a few days later, armed with a cheap bottle of red spray paint, a spelling and grammar teacher who shall remain unnamed headed back to Centralia to not only fix the errors, but grade them based on a combination of their individual levels of stupidity and the age at which I learned how to spell these words correctly. I’m here to show you the results, sequenced in descending order (from best grade to worse). Enjoy!
This first one wasn’t posted in the original batch of pictures from my first trip to Centralia, because I had simply missed it before. Normally, stupid people simply forget to add an apostrophe on a possessive noun that earns one. It takes a special kind of person to add an apostrophe to a plural noun that doesn’t need it (unless there is a zombie hunter out there who owns Devin, Tony, and Ashley. If this is true, I apologize to the zombie hunter). Anyways, the error could not stay unfixed.
Since it’s not a mistake too many people make (adding an apostrophe where there shouldn’t be), you will receive a passing grade, sir or ma’am who originally scribed this. You may yet get into that community college you’ve been getting so much mail from.
For the next ones, the teacher wasn’t so kind.
You all remember this one. Idiot spelled “beginning” wrong in a vain attempt at a philosophically interesting statement. Couldn’t let it remain this way.
I understand it’s a “big word” and that there’s a whole lot going on, but for God’s sake (literally), it’s the third word in the Bible. I learned to spell this when I was 4. There’s only a glimmer of hope for you, writer of this statement. But there is that glimmer.
“But Luke, isn’t a 60 a D?” Maybe in the run-down school district you live in. In the real world, you’ve failed.
Ah, yes. The person that spelled the name of the town they were in wrong. There’s little else to be said.
You’re lucky the teacher was that generous to you, writer. Seriously. This isn’t the only Centralia in the country. There are a bunch more, and they all have more than 9 residents, so the teacher is just trying to open your eyes before you make this mistake in a bigger Centralia. The people may not be as kind.
And the last one…
Final Grade: 4/10, F
I know what you’re thinking – “Whoa – a little harsh, isn’t it, Luke?” Do you realize the sheer amount of important words that end in “ally?” Realistically, this kid wouldn’t survive a day in the post-high school world. He’s practically out of hope. No, he is out of hope. See me after class, writer. A little bit of verbal abuse is in order.
“Is that all the teacher did, Luke? Just make corrections? Didn’t he leave your mark on the road, too?”
Great question. The road is for those who cannot spell, cannot draw, and do not appropriately use apostrophes. The rocks high above on the hills surrounding the road, however, are for the elite. There aren’t that many, and most have been claimed, but at the very end of the trip, I looked at a treacherous climb with a nice rock at the top and decided it had to be mine.
Seriously, it’s mine. What’s the A.P next to me stand for? If it’ll get me that writing job, it stands for Absolutepunk. Otherwise, it stands for anything but. If you’re going to perpetrate, please spell correctly!
Hey guys, another Centralia post is coming tomorrow (yes, I went back earlier today). Stop back tomorrow and check it out! Alrighttt